Wave of Worry

He’s the size of a bongo drum right now. Neat.
He’s the size of a bongo drum right now. Neat.

I had a little wave of worry come over me earlier this week.1 We’re about 32 weeks into this thing and of course, you think of all of the joy that comes from your first child, all of the accomplishments that you get to experience with your newly formed family. Learning how to walk, how to read or even hearing him speak Spanish, I can’t wait for all of this. But, well, there’s other stuff too.

I had a meeting at work with a vendor who turns out, just had a baby four months ago. Of course, I let her know we were expecting. She asked if it was our first and I said yes. Her eyes welled up.

She regained her composure and said oh it’s so much fun, you never knew you could love someone so much, the same things all parents say.

Then she talks about the unpleasantness. Like how you fight a lot with your spouse over basically nothing, mostly because of the lack of sleep. How your heart breaks when you leave them with someone else for the first time. How you’re always so incredibly tired.

I’m not going to lie, this took me back a little.

I’ve been so caught up in the joy of what comes with having a child I neglected to think about the other side. But is it really negative? In the grand scheme of things, no. They’re just inconveniences that are going to be overshadowed by the awesomeness of actually having a son.

From time to time my boss likes to talk to me about life. He had his kids later in life, he was actually older than I am when he had his first, and he has a different perspective than a lot of people I’ve spoken with. During one of our conversations, he said something that made an impression on me.

“Yeah, you can have a good career, a nice house, a nice car, a good life. But once you have your first kid, man, that changes things. Now you have a legacy.”

Once I remembered this, my wave of worry was washed away.

A Legacy. My legacy.

  1. I had considered writing ‘wittle wave of worry’ for the alliteration and baby allusion but not worth it, y’all. ↩︎